Christina

Have you ever found yourself in a place where regrets, shame, and hurts have cut so deep that you feel like you can barely breathe?

Like the life you are living is one you never ever imagined you’d be living? Have you ever asked yourself, “how could I let this happen to me?“

I didn’t think I would, until I found myself thinking ALL of those things.

That describes most of my college experience. There I was, a 17 year old college freshman on my own for the first time. I was mentally prepared for the work load, the new responsibilities, and the homesickness.

I wasn’t prepared, though, for the 3 year long toxic relationship riddled with emotional abuse, controlling behaviors, and stalking that I would endure during that time.

At first, everything was wonderful! I felt like I was living in my own fairytale. I think that’s how I became so deceived.

He came like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Everything was subtle. Slow. He always apologized and made up for it in extravagant ways. So, I always forgave him. After all, I had been with him for so long and I believed he was going to be my husband one day.

It wasn’t until the summer before my senior year that my eyes were opened and I could finally see! For the first time I could see all that I had endured. Enough was finally enough and I cut him out of my life completely…I wish that was the end of it.

Unfortunately, abusive people don’t typically respond well to strength and boundaries. The next few years of my life were like a raging dumpster fire. Hurts abound around every corner of my life. My friendships were divided, I became the bad guy, most people didn’t believe me about my experience, I never felt safe, and, as an extremely extroverted person, I began to isolate myself from everyone.

Thankfully, my story doesn’t end there!

I truly believe beauty comes from ashes.

My senior year of college I watched my entire life burn around me until nothing was left but ashes and ruin. Yet, out of that desolation, came beauty beyond my wildest dreams.

The life I live now with my loving husband and beautiful children are blessings that have come with the healing process I have experienced.

It’s been HARD WORK, but nothing and no one is too broken. Everything and everyone can be restored!

Regrets, shame, and hurt used to suffocate me. Now, I wear them like a badge of honor.

That season of my life taught me many wonderful lessons:

Out of it I learned deep empathy and compassion for others, I learned strength, I learned my value and my worth, I learned what is not healthy and gained a better and brighter perspective of what is healthy in a relationship, I learned that I can literally lose everything and keep my personal faith in a God who I believe will never leave me, and I learned hard lessons I plan to use as teachable moments with my children. I found hope and now I seek to pass it on to them. I pass it on to you…